Happy New Year Jeff!

JEFF prepared a 2012 annual report for his blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,600 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 6 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

 Since stats are boring, JEFF also prepared a New Years themed sketch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It Takes All Kinds

Written  by

 Daniel  Schwartz

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

INT.  ELEVATOR – NEW YEAR’S EVE

MARK is standing.  He’s in his early forties, business suit,
black hair all in place.

HARVEY is sitting, business casual.  He’s fifteen years
Mark’s senior.

Mark is on his BlackBerry.

MARK
Mark Zamorski speaking.  Yes,
Z-a-m-o-r-s-k-i.  I’m between the
34th and 35th floor at
Seven-one-two Lexington Avenue.
712, that’s correct.  No.  No that is
unacceptable.  To whom am I
speaking? David please connect me
to your supervisor.

Mark is TAPPING his foot.

MARK (CONT.)
Yes, hello?  Mark Zamorski here, who
is this?  Yes I realize it’s New
Year’s Eve.  Yes– I’ll hold.
(to Harvey)
The super is on vacation.  How long
you think?

HARVEY
Who knows?

MARK
(at his BlackBerry)
C’mon, c’mon.

HARVEY
Could be awhile.

MARK
Don’t say that.

HARVEY
You got somewhere you have to be?

MARK
Anywhere but here.  Ooh, my heart is
beating fast.
(clutching his chest)
Oh, that’s fast.

HARVEY
Easy there, easy.  Where are you
from Mark?

MARK
Here.

HARVEY
Well alright, what part?

MARK
I know what you’re doing.  It’s not
going to work.  They’re not putting
me through.  What are we going to
do?

HARVEY
I think we have to just ride this
one out.

MARK
Easy for you to say.
(clutching)
Oh, here we go again.  I think I’m
having a heart attack.

HARVEY
Sit down Mark.

Mark sits, still on hold.

HARVEY
You are not having a heart attack.
Now–

MARK
But we have to do something.  I have
to get out of here!
(clutching)
Oh Jesus.

HARVEY
You know I lost a million dollars
this week?

Mark stops short.

MARK
What?  Are you serious?

HARVEY
It’s not the sort of thing I joke
about.

MARK
Jesus.  What happened?

HARVEY
Someone bet on the wrong horse, so
to speak.

MARK
My God.  What are you going to do?

HARVEY
Cut my losses.  Nothing else to do.

MARK
Can’t anyone be held accountable?
(into phone)
Yes?  Five hours.  Really?  Isn’t
there anything you can do?  I
understand you’re getting another
call, but– hello?

Mark lowers his phone.

HARVEY
You okay there?  Might as well get
comfortable.

Harvey begins untying his shoes.

Mark watches and then nervously undoes one of his own.

MARK
Did you really…

Harvey nods.

MARK (CONT.)
I’m so sorry.

HARVEY
It happens.

MARK
It shouldn’t.

Harvey leans against the wall and closes his eyes.

Mark thinks for a moment.

MARK (CONT.)
(dialing)
Let me just try something.

HARVEY
(eyes closed)
I’m warning you, I don’t know CPR.

MARK
(into phone)
Hello? Yeah hi Rich, how are you?
Well, I’m in an elevator at 712
Lexington.  Yeah, the super is God
knows where and I got maintenance
giving me five hours.  Can you?  That
would be swell.

Mark hangs up.

MARK (CONT.)
Got a friend in the FDNY.  He may be
able to help us.

HARVEY
(straightening)
No shit?

MARK
(rubbing his chest)
Yeah.  Ooh, that was a bad idea.

HARVEY
Mark, stay with me.

MARK
Yeah, yeah I’m here.

Mark’s phone RINGS.

MARK
Hey, what’s the word?  Richie, I owe
you.  No, I do.  Alright, happy New
Year.
(hangs up)
One half hour!

HARVEY
You sneaky son of a bitch!

MARK
What did I tell you?

HARVEY
You didn’t, but I’m impressed.
You’re a resourceful fellow.

Mark undoes another shoe.  He’s still a little shaky.

MARK
Still, half an hour?

Harvey takes off his coat.

FADE OUT.

THE END

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One thought on “Happy New Year Jeff!

  1. I don’t get it, but I’m looking forward to more thought provoking articles this year!

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