JEFF prepared a 2012 annual report for his blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,600 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 6 years to get that many views.
Since stats are boring, JEFF also prepared a New Years themed sketch.
It Takes All Kinds
INT. ELEVATOR – NEW YEAR’S EVE
MARK is standing. He’s in his early forties, business suit,
black hair all in place.
HARVEY is sitting, business casual. He’s fifteen years
Mark is on his BlackBerry.
Mark Zamorski speaking. Yes,
Z-a-m-o-r-s-k-i. I’m between the
34th and 35th floor at
Seven-one-two Lexington Avenue.
712, that’s correct. No. No that is
unacceptable. To whom am I
speaking? David please connect me
to your supervisor.
Mark is TAPPING his foot.
Yes, hello? Mark Zamorski here, who
is this? Yes I realize it’s New
Year’s Eve. Yes– I’ll hold.
The super is on vacation. How long
(at his BlackBerry)
Could be awhile.
Don’t say that.
You got somewhere you have to be?
Anywhere but here. Ooh, my heart is
(clutching his chest)
Oh, that’s fast.
Easy there, easy. Where are you
Well alright, what part?
I know what you’re doing. It’s not
going to work. They’re not putting
me through. What are we going to
I think we have to just ride this
Easy for you to say.
Oh, here we go again. I think I’m
having a heart attack.
Sit down Mark.
Mark sits, still on hold.
You are not having a heart attack.
But we have to do something. I have
to get out of here!
You know I lost a million dollars
Mark stops short.
What? Are you serious?
It’s not the sort of thing I joke
Jesus. What happened?
Someone bet on the wrong horse, so
My God. What are you going to do?
Cut my losses. Nothing else to do.
Can’t anyone be held accountable?
Yes? Five hours. Really? Isn’t
there anything you can do? I
understand you’re getting another
call, but– hello?
Mark lowers his phone.
You okay there? Might as well get
Harvey begins untying his shoes.
Mark watches and then nervously undoes one of his own.
Did you really…
I’m so sorry.
Harvey leans against the wall and closes his eyes.
Mark thinks for a moment.
Let me just try something.
I’m warning you, I don’t know CPR.
Hello? Yeah hi Rich, how are you?
Well, I’m in an elevator at 712
Lexington. Yeah, the super is God
knows where and I got maintenance
giving me five hours. Can you? That
would be swell.
Mark hangs up.
Got a friend in the FDNY. He may be
able to help us.
(rubbing his chest)
Yeah. Ooh, that was a bad idea.
Mark, stay with me.
Yeah, yeah I’m here.
Mark’s phone RINGS.
Hey, what’s the word? Richie, I owe
you. No, I do. Alright, happy New
One half hour!
You sneaky son of a bitch!
What did I tell you?
You didn’t, but I’m impressed.
You’re a resourceful fellow.
Mark undoes another shoe. He’s still a little shaky.
Still, half an hour?
Harvey takes off his coat.