BREAKING: New Kosher D.C. Restaurant to Partner with McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon

Washington D.C.’s newest Kosher restaurant, Char Bar and Eli’s Marketplace (formerly Eli’s Restaurant), has agreed to form a strategic partnership with McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon, the popular Irish party pub located in D.C.’s West End. Char Bar will operate out of the pub’s kitchen on weekends, serving up its eclectic mix of BBQ and Kosher Deli to the hungry mobs. On weeknights, McFadden’s will lend its DJ, bartenders, and “wait staff” to the restaurant, bringing a youthful vibe to the classy eatery. The agreement was finalized Friday morning by Jewish restaurateur, Sina Soumekhian, and whoever the hell owns McFadden’s, probably an Irish pedophile.


Rabbi enjoying a “Sloppy Joel”

“This is a great day not only for Char Bar, but also for the D.C. Jewish Community,” said Soumekhian. “In the spirit of inclusion and outreach, we want to bring our delicious Kosher fare to the greater D.C. population. In the spirit of business growth, we want to leverage the unbelievable success of McFadden’s. And in the spirit of fun, we want our customers to grind with tanked, underage GW students.”

The partnership brings together two distinguished and longstanding D.C. establishments, each boasting a loyal and starkly homogeneous clientele. A new symbiosis will hopefully diversify each institution’s respective consumer base and garner new customer interest as well. “We really want more Kosher people at Faded Fridays and Super Sloshed Saturdays,” said McFadden’s event coordinator known only as “Ashley.” “We need some more brunettes in the crowd. The strawberry blonde can be blinding sometimes lol.” Soumekhian echoed that sentiment. “I want Char Bar to be a multicultural experience. I want it to be a place where Jews and Irish Catholics alike can enjoy a piece of schnitzel and the thumping beats of Trey Songz.”

Kosher club

Char Bar’s new slogan: “The Best Kosher Pickle in DC!”

The move has the overwhelming support of the D.C. Jewish community, with leaders and congregants of mainstay Jewish institutions offering their resolute seals of approval. “This is great news,” beamed Jacob Lisser, congregant at Georgetown’s Kesher Israel synagogue. “Where else can you enjoy a ‘Freundel’ while pinning a blackout 19-year-old against the wall?”

Inspired by the revelrous spirit of McFadden’s, Char Bar will release a menu of rager-themed appetizers and entrees. The “DTF (Down to Fleisch)” will feature a plate of young, lean meat just waiting, as the menu describes, “to get swallowed.” The “Sloppy Joel” promises to be a delicious BBQ option, a seasoned loose ground beef patty sandwiched between two pieces of lightly tanned white bread. And no matter how well done you order your steak, the “Convincing Fake” will always arrive severely undercooked. Char Bar will also offer a sizable takeout and catering menu, known playfully as the “Meat Market.”

The partnership is set to commence next week, August 12th, at 9:30pm., at which time representatives from the McFadden’s and Char Bar wait staff will clear the tables from the Char Bar floor and begin making rounds with test tube shots of Baron Herzog merlot. The crowd will break for Ma’ariv, the traditional Jewish evening prayer service at 10:00, after which time the hoards of sweaty bros, Irish chicks, and sweatier Jews will congeal into a bumpin’ mass of intercultural “dialogue.”


2 thoughts on “BREAKING: New Kosher D.C. Restaurant to Partner with McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon

  1. Can’t get my hands around this.

  2. Killed it again. If only your fantasy team was as good as your satire. Or maybe your team IS satire? Clever Winch, clever.

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