Sometimes Jeff gets lazy and writes listicles.
This past Friday, aspiring clinicians waited with bated breath for that fateful notice of acceptance into a residency program. As the letters arrived, thousands of medical hopefuls expressed their glee, gratitude, and apprehension over social media, flooding the news feeds of friends, family, and loyal followers. Here are the top 5 “Match Day!” Facebook posts:
1. The Prideful Pediatrician
“It is with great honor and prestige that I would like to announce my admittance into the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania! I couldn’t have done it without the 
love and support of my teachers and advisers, who encouraged me to work hard every day and reach my academic potential. The Perelman School is #1 on the US News and World Report’s list of pediatrics residencies, and I’m sure I’ve made (and will continue to make) my family and friends proud. Can’t wait to get through my residency and on to the next chapter of my life…you know we pediatricians have little patients hahahaha!”
2. The NSFW Specialty
“My childhood dream of being a urologist has finally come true! It has been a l
ong and hard journey, but today I became a member of the Robert Wood Johnson urology program. I hope this ejaculation of pleasure and thanks isn’t premature – I still need to fill out the paperwork – but I can safely say that this is the climax of my professional career! Thanks so much to my parents, friends, and everybody else who blew me in the right direction over the years. I owe this stroke of luck to you.”
3. The Disappointed Overachiever
“A little disappointed that I didn’t get my first choice (U of Texas), but I’m content to announce that I’ll be a plastic surgery resident at Harvard Medical School next year :(. I’ve 
never been rejected from anything in my life so it hurts a little, but I realize that Harvard is a decent program and that I still might learn something over the next few years. To all my fellow applicants who got accepted into U of Texas, congratulations. I’m really, really happy for you, and even though I didn’t get in I bear you no grudges. May the best abdominoplasty win!”
4. The Glowing Spouse
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, 
so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so happy to announce that my AMAZING, TALENTED, CHARMING, PERFECT, WHITE, 6”1’, 180LBS, COULD HIT THE GYM MORE OFTEN BUT PLEASES ME PHYSICALLY, DOES THE DISHES CONSISTENTLY, GIVES ME NECK MASSAGES WHEN I CRY DURING THE BACHELOR, CAPTAIN OF HIS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM, 37 HANDICAP, BRILLIANT, HARD WORKING, MAKES SPAGHETTI A LA CARBONARA SOMETIMES FOR DINNER, CRACKS UP WHEN I SAY THE WORD “FORK’, SS#: 257-61-0095, HAS NEVER CHEATED ON ME AND IF HE DID I WOULDN’T CARE BECAUSE HE’S MY husband who got into Memorial Sloan Kettering for Oncology!”
5. The Reject
“Taking a Facebook hiatus for a few months. See you next March :(.”
Who the Eff Is Jeff? 